Thomas Hoffman

I have it on good authority that Brad, Luciano, and the annoying girl from
the AT&T commercial are being held by the US Marshalls after allegedly
Stalking Michael Phelps as he was teaching Gay Baby Dolphins to swim
somewhere in the South Pacific. Seems that the trio broke into Mr. Phelps
room and were caught red handed modeling Michaels Swim trunks and prancing
around in gold medals. Authorities were tipped off when guest of the hotel
complained to the front desk of excessive noise coming from the Phelps
suite. Officers on the scene stated that an argument had broken out between
Brad and Luciano about who had the bigger Man Crush on Phelps. This provoked
the Annoying AT&T girl to scream and jump around the room yelling, "Michael
is Mine, Michael Is Mine."