wdho-@pacifier.com
I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! It's nice to see these events cause such
catalystic dialog. I've spread this around here at work to other non/cyclist and
all have enjoyed it.
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I don't need anymore money. I have enough from all cans I collect. I race
because my wife makes me. she says otherwise "you spend too much time with
the children" and "I sure wish I saw you less, I dispise having relaxing
weekends camping with you?..go race bikes or something!!". so I have to go
ride quite a bit of time every dang week cause the wife and kids push me out
the door saying "please go for a realllly long ride papa" on these roads
where everyone is real nice. They yell encouraging phrases like "suckin'
magnet" and "you hairy" from their ford trucks. Even little kids throwing
rocks at me like it's rice at a wedding is fun. Dogs chase after me just
when I think I have to slow down on the tops of hills, barking inspiring
phrases like "keep going, keep going". if I am having a good day someone
will pull out in front of me at the last minute just so I can test my
braking skills like being in a surging pack of 4,5's. all this riding I have
to do during the week gets to me so when the weekend comes I want to sleep
in but then at 6:00 am Sunday my wife is waking me up all cheery like saying
she has breakfast ready. I ask for what and she says " you racing this
wekend honey bucket!!". so the kids throw their diapers at me as I crawl to
the table for bacon, gravy and doritos. I ask for coffe and she pours me a
miller lite and warms it up in the microwave, damn that's good. Next thing I
know my wife is saying "come on dear, git in the rig. I got your bike and
silly shorts all packed up. it's time to go." for the next 4 hours we
sputter down an empty freeway with the kids yelling and crying like they got
crabs clamped on their toes. we make it to the race due to the fact my wife
can read the arabic instructions on the race flyer. to our surprise the
start time isn't the same as what was printed but we don't care cause we
brought lunch with us. she gets me dressed and the kids poke me with sticks
and show me the empty wrappers of the cliff bars I was going to eat while
racing. we start the race and I am trying to figure out what I am doing.
what did I do to her? why can't I just stay home and mow the lawn? what
about football!!? I just want to spend time with my family. while in hunger
induced halucination, I end up at the finish and somehow finish the ride in
front of most everyone else. some guy hands me an envelope after they find
me trying to hide in the plastic toilet shack. my wife grabs the envolpe
peels it open, tosses it aside and passes out the 5 dollar bills inside to
everyone in the family?well except me. are you telling me that is prize
money???
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